The Switch

I’m a big fan of the whole inspirational quotes and song lyrics thing, I know alot of people get fed up of them but I love reading them and find them uplifting. Some days you just need to look at a few of them to feel prepared!

Listening to a song sometimes makes me think, yeah, that’s me right now…this happened this week. It was Defying Gravity that I was listening to and a few of the lines stuck in my head. “Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game.”  The reason this stuck with me is because this week, going back to work after a long weekend something switched, my attitude changed completely, I’ve always fallen into the trap of trying to please everyone else. Always being the one that stayed quiet and didn’t really confront things, I just ignore them in the hopes I’d muddle my way through it and that’s got me into quite a few uncomfortable situations.

I tend to be the one that my friend’s ask for advice, one of them even nicknamed me ‘Fix it Fay’ because I always have some sort of advice for every situation she finds herself in, whether or not it’s good advice could be debated but I try to help. I never take my own advice though, so when I tell her to speak up more or to confront the issue I do find myself thinking, actually have I done that before?

That’s changed this week, sure, it’s only a few days of it…but I think it’s been a really positive and huge learning curve, I actually have belief in myself now and I’ve done simple things that three months ago I never would have. I’ve stopped worrying so much about what other people want or think…if I make a mistake, it can be fixed or I’ll learn from it. If I handle a situation wrong, well then next time I know.

I’m not sure where the change has come from but I know I’ve got tired of ending up in the same situation, where I keep quiet and push everything away until I am at a loss of where to go next. And that kind of thing is picked up by other people, it shows in the way they treat and interact with you. I’ve always known that, that I could make a change but never worked out how to do it until now.  It’s probably a combination of having a few really great days at work, crossing things off my to do list that I would have previously ignored and actually making more connections, talking to people and realizing that you can’t always control how people choose to treat you, so it’s time to stop worrying about it.

If you give a hundred percent every time and learn from your mistakes, what more can you do?  I think on some level we all just want to be accepted and feel like we’re good at something, when that’s difficult for whatever reason it can have a huge impact. This week I’ve found myself thinking, actually I don’t care because I’m doing what’s right for me.

I’ve been so lucky to make connections with some really interesting, supportive and inspiring people.  One of those people who I’m extremely grateful to have met said to me today “Small mind’s can only think small.” I love that and hearing it really did make me think that my change in attitude is a great thing, because I’m no longer worrying about a reaction or the what if, so what if it goes wrong, if people don’t like me or something stands in my way, I’ll break down that barrier just like I always have, but this time it won’t be because I’m trying to please someone else, it’ll be because it’s best for me. I think I finally found my confidence, the switch that gives me the strength to stand up and to fight for myself instead of just constantly beating myself up about things that actually aren’t my fault and don’t matter that much.

Naturally I’ll always be a bit of an introvert but I feel like a different person to the one that entered March, I have a way to go to get to where I want to be but it’s all about learning, growing and changing with whatever you encounter and I feel more prepared than ever to face the future.

So now I’m going to go and put together an awesome, confidence inducing playlist to listen to every morning on the bus! First track: Warrior by Demi Lovato. After all, everyone needs to be reminded how amazing they are sometimes!

Fay xx

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