When I sat down to begin writing this I wasn’t sure where to start which doesn’t usually happen, it feels like a lifetime since I last posted and I wouldn’t know where to begin with an update on the week. I’ve not long woke up from a nap, being in pain is rather tiring I’ve discovered! So it’s good to do nothing for a while. The next two days will involve watching TV series, doing nothing and writing. I will go for coffee with my aunt tomorrow but that only involves cake and a chat, I think I’ll manage that!
I’ve been quite overwhelmed recently, I don’t think there’s a good way to describe it. So I do apologise if I have ignored your messages, not been very positive or just overshared with you (though if I’ve done that last one it does mean I trust and value your opinion, that’s a bonus right?)
It’s been a strange little week in my world this week. The anniversary of my friend’s death, memories that showed up on my Facebook and posts I’ve seen all kept one word on my mind. Cancer. Those that know me will know that I’m a cancer survivor. It’s something that’s a part of who I am, it turned my world upside down, I’m cancer free now but I choose to volunteer with and still keep in touch with the charities that supported me so it’s still very much a part of my life. Not to mention most of my close friends are survivors too.
For the first time in a while today I’ve been able to just be myself, it’s like a weight’s been lifted and I can spread my wings a bit, I focused on me.
I didn’t want to go to choir tonight, I wanted to go to bed and sleep, I was sore all over, still am. It’s been a long few months and really lines were totally blurred between who I was and who I had to be to get by, but that’s changed now.
Today is the anniversary of my friend’s death, it’s been on my mind since the weekend, 5 years, it doesn’t seem like 5 minutes, she always knew how to stop me feeling lost, how to snap me into getting a grip.
Today has been a little strange, when I looked at the date this morning it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel like I needed to vent about it so here I am, rambling again. (wrote this on the 16th, just passed midnight by the time I finished!)
5 years ago today I sat in the kitchen of my friend’s house while her mum was in the garden and we spent all afternoon talking. We’d known each other about a year and a half at that point…but in that short time, she’d become my closest confidant, she knew more about me, how I was feeling than anyone and I did her.
Seen as this is a fairly new cinema release there are spoilers ahead guys!
I’m gonna try not to include too many because this is a film I’d recommend you see.
So I didn’t know all that much about this film before I made the spontaneous decision to go to the cinema after work yesterday, this was the one that was the most suitable time and the fact it had Helen Mirren in sold it for me, don’t think I’ve ever seen a film of hers I didn’t like!
I’m tired today, ever have those times where it feels like a long week and it’s not even the end of week yet?
This morning I used up all my energy worrying about what might or could happen, you know when you have those times where you just want to be told it’s alright, that you don’t have to worry, yeah, wishful thinking eh? Then I got home and after a long and de-stressing phone call with my friend I fell asleep, which probably means I’ll be awake for a while now. Well done Fay, great plan!