My little list of things that aren’t ok to say

I’ve said before that writing is like therapy, so look away now if you don’t want to read my little rant.

When someone says sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me I do wonder if they’ve actually been on the receiving end of any kind of verbal abuse, because I have, I know people that have…and believe me words can do a hell of alot of damage. I’m now comfortable in who I am so other people’s opinions don’t bother me all that much. I mean if you were gonna give me a job I’d probably want to make a good impression but if you’re hanging around to insult me, I don’t care.

 I haven’t always been like that though, the change came when I got towards the end of college. Before that I was the quiet, shy, probably over sensitive kid that never really felt comfortable and couldn’t just brush things off as a joke.

Do you ever just hear something that makes you think what on earth are you thinking? You can’t say that!

So here’s my list of things it’s never ok to say, as children, teens, adults, cus at some point in our lives, past, present or future, words will impact us all.

You’re fat/too skinny/ugly (or any other appearance related insult):

This is something that can be said just in passing, I’ve heard it said in a jokey way…but it’s not ok, that person you called fat, might be skipping dinner because their conscious of how they look, that one comment could push someone on the path to an eating disorder. Could make them hate how they look so much that they try to change who they are.

You’re not good enough/worth it:

Ok, everyone has to deal with rejection, I’m not talking about this in that sense. I’m talking about when it’s said in a way to undermine someone, to make them feel like they can’t do something right, it knocks confidence, can make someone feel worthless and actually who are to judge that someone isn’t good at something? You’d have to be damn perfect and no one is.

You can’t do anything right/you always get it wrong:

Everyone makes mistakes and in some environments constructive criticism is a good thing but this kind of phrase can make someone believe what you’re saying, lower their self-esteem and their belief that they can ever progress in anything they do. It sucks the hope and the dreams out of people.

You should kill yourself/ I wish you were dead (anything along those lines):

This should be obvious and it’s baffling to me that’s it not to some people. You never really know the struggle it might take someone to get up in a morning and face the world, maybe it’s hidden behind smiles and laughter but you’ve no idea what they are facing and to say this to anyone is outrageous. To someone like me, it wouldn’t have that much impact, but it makes me angry because I know the damage it can cause. I’ve had friends that were suicidal, depressed, fighting every day to keep going…and I know that this kind of comment could have easily been the difference between losing them and keeping them in my life. To make anyone feel like they don’t deserve to live, to be happy, it’s low and there’s something wrong with anyone that thinks this is a joke or that it’s ok.

Alright, there are probably lots more but I can’t list them all, we’d be here for hours but those are the one that make me most angry when I hear them.

I’ve had each said to me in the past and known other people that have (then you wonder why I can be antisocial at times.)

Those kind of harsh comments, they can be the difference between someone wanting to cry themselves to sleep or them actually feeling good about their day. If any of this is ever said to you, please try not to believe it, I know it’s easy for me to say, but surround yourself with something that helps you process it. I write, honestly, if you’d hear me try to articulate myself when I was frustrated you’d have no clue what I meant so writing has always been my way of being able to relax and just let the thoughts flow.

Everyone needs something that helps them like that. I also like spending time with people that give off good vibes, I’ve met quite a few of them recently and it’s great, to listen, laugh and not have to put up those walls that we all build to protect ourselves. Just know that you’re worth more than anyone else’s opinion, that you’re loved and you’re supported, even if it’s not by the people you’d always expect.

Fay xx

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