This losing weight thing

Slimming World, those two words everyone hears and thinks “diet plan.” It’s not a diet plan as such, more a healthy lifestyle change but let’s all be honest, whether it’s a healthy lifestyle change or a diet plan…it’s damn hard and really, who doesn’t want to go for a bowl of chips over a side salad?

I’ve discussed my weight loss progress here before and those that know me will know I’ve been attempting this Slimming World thing for about a year and a half now, whilst I’m some of the way there having lost more than two stone I’m nowhere near where I set out to be…yet I find myself losing the will to even try. Getting my head in the game seems to be the biggest challenge.

breaking diet

I’ve been about ready to give up on this whole let’s lose weight dream and just continue on as normal whilst resigning myself to being the “fat” friend on the night out. I think everyone can relate that when you feel a bit rubbish or under the weather you either don’t want to eat or you only want that chocolate bar that you know you shouldn’t have because you’re way over your syns already…all the bad stuff just becomes pretty appealing. The question I have to ask myself is, when my bones are a nuisance, fatigue is a thing and my version of not being under the weather is only having to take three lots of pain relief instead of four, how do I stay away from falling into the trap of either not eating or reaching for the high sugar, high fat options as a comfort food?

I’m not sure what the answer is but I do know that the first step is probably reminding myself why I started in the first place, what’s stopping me and what I want to achieve now.

In the group they recommend a kind of For and Against list, generally people keep it to themselves but I’m one of those people that can easily just ignore the list and carry on as I have been so putting it out there is kind of my way of holding myself accountable.

 So here goes, wish me luck!

Body Image confidence

The Goal: I think everyone suffers from this from time to time, I have off and on for years, I’ve been a size 10 dancer, I’ve been a size 18 office worker. I went from losing so much weight I looked ill before my cancer diagnosis to then gaining it all back and more when I was on steroids as part of my treatment and I’ve never really been able to shift it, not properly. So being happy with how I look is something I want so badly, in my head I know exactly where I want to be and I can picture it.

The Stumbling Block: So, what stops me? I think I kind of self-sabotage alot, I sometimes look in the mirror and don’t like how I look but instead of doing what I should and reminding myself how far I’ve come and what I do like, I end up just beating myself up about what I haven’t done which makes me wonder why I’m even trying when it’s clear I’m not getting anywhere. It’s that negative thought process that I need to snap out of.

The Solution: So…how do I combat this? Well, I’ve got myself a little diary, it’s called a thankful diary and you write in three things in a morning and three things at night that you’re grateful for that day, some of mine are going to be things I am happy with about myself, physically and otherwise. I’m hoping this will give me the confidence to finally go for and achieve what I actually want. I’m also hoping this will give me the mindset that I am worth reaching that goal and I do deserve to be where I want because I do play it down alot and I know I do, I have to acknowledge it’s important to me.

dory chocolate

To wear whatever the hell I want

The Goal: I would love to be able to go in a store and pick out all the pretty things I want to put on, I’m kind of stuck at the moment between two sizes, so one looks huge on me and the other is just not quite big enough in some places, because of this I’ve pretty much only brought work wear the past few months and let me tell you, it’s blinking depressing to see your wardrobe every morning and know that most of it looks terrible and or is now too big.

The Stumbling Block: I don’t want to buy any new clothes until I am where I want to be because I know that I will then get comfortable in that size but it’s not my goal yet I know I will probably see more of a difference if I did find some better fitting wardrobe items.

The Solution: I think for now at least I’m going to focus on getting a few bits that I like at my current size so I can actually see a difference but I won’t be getting a whole new wardrobe, not until I’m where I want to be. I am going to throw out all of the things that are too big or I just don’t like because I won’t go back to being two and half stone heavier and knowing I don’t have clothes for that size anymore will make me more focused on not going back there.

Health

The Goal: My health is a complicated one, pain, fatigue and other general randomness is pretty common for me but my goal here is to lose enough weight that when I have my hip replaced it will be easier to recover, we all know weight loss helps our health anyway.

The Stumbling Block: My biggest problem here is either eating comfort food when I feel like rubbish or simply not eating when I am just so tired I want to sleep (like my lovely nap that turned into a five hour sleep today!) Believe me, being in pain or needing to sleep all day is no fun when it comes to being productive, no one ever reached their targets whilst asleep now did they?  I’m also a bit of a stress eater sometimes, for example if I’m not feeling all that good about my health or any other aspect I just eat rubbish, I think alot of people do to a point.

pain meme

The Solution:  There isn’t a simple solution to this one, I will be seeing a pain clinic so hopefully that helps and I was given a recipe book earlier this week from the hospital so I’m going to look at adapting some of those to fit the Slimming World plan. There are some great sweet treat ideas in it so the current plan is to have a go at some of those and then I’ll be able to have comfort style food without feeling too bad. Yogurts are also pretty good for a quick treat, especially chocolaty ones. I’m also going to work on making sure I do have those treats and not beat myself up about it, I just need to make sure I’m counting it all in.

Fitness

The Goal: One day I want to dance again, no, scratch that, one day I will dance again, even just as a hobby or in theatre. I had honestly resigned myself to the fact this wasn’t achievable but two weeks ago I went to a Clubbercise class, I’ve not done any form of proper exercise in quite a while because it exhausts me but I decided to try it, with it being a combination of dance and exercise it sounded like fun. I went by myself and was so nervous I wouldn’t keep up or would be just too embarrassed but I loved it, it came quite naturally which felt so good and I can’t tell you the positivity being in a studio again gave me. I actually realise now that had I not already lost more than two stone I would never have felt like I could even try.

The Stumbling Block: The pain! So normally after exercise we all end up with aching muscles, that’s how we know it’s worked right? Well, I have this plus my bone pain plus being pretty tired for at least three days after, I also run the risk of making my condition worse if I overdo it so when my immediate answer to the questions Is it worth it? is yes, I do have those reservations.

The Solution: Well, the way I see it, my bones are mostly screwed already so whether I stick to ‘safer’ exercise like swimming or do the more high impact stuff they will only get worse, why don’t I have fun anyway? I would never be reckless about it but I refuse any longer to be scared of damaging my body, it’s been through alot and is actually doing pretty well. I can’t change some things but I can learn to work with it and adapt exercise and one day dance to suit me. The positive, accomplished feeling I get after the class is worth any amount of pain in the following days and I know that as I do more it will get slightly easier. Losing more weight will also help with this because I’ll feel more able to do a little more each time. Joining an exercise class is a big step for me but I’m so glad I took it.

crunch

Well, I suppose I’ve now listed all the reasons I want to lose weight, all the reasons I need to stick to plan and actually it’s helped, we can all get a bit stuck sometimes but maybe we just need to remind ourselves what we’re actually hoping for, not just saying it because it’s what we know we should say, we have to want to.

I have to want to and I do, yes sometimes I also want that cake but I think that’s ok because even if it happens slowly at least it’ll be in the right direction. I’m going to focus on doing it for me and not going off track because the people around me aren’t on track, that’s sometimes the hardest part, when someone else is sabotaging themselves, there are only so many times you can try to motivate and help someone, they have to want to do it for themselves.

I know being slim and being able to do whatever I want physically isn’t everything, it’s not what makes me the person I am and I’ve achieved so much that has nothing to do with my weight or fitness levels but it is important to me and I want to get there.

And when I’m at my goal and back in a dance studio, that’s when I’ll be happiest in my body image.

Fay x

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